Understanding My Stories
You might find this boring, but I'll find you deserving of reading my stories if you'll bear reading this.
Idk, the following might sound something like describing a crush but whatevs.
Nung una, echos lang talaga ang writing para sakin. Yes. 'Echos', what a perfect word. It holds no meaning. It's a substitute to any word you're not capable of filling off. That was writing for me. That USED to be writing for me. It was something I'd do because I'm bored-- a substitute for boredom, something I do when I have nothing to do. But over the years, it has grown on me. It bore a deeper meaning for me. It became a part of me. Eew. Corny. Accuse me of being pa-deep or whatever, see how much I DON'T care. But yeah. Definitely, writing started to become a part of me. It's like both and not at all, a diary for me. I don't know when, but I started getting connected to my stories. I've become more sincere. I started putting not just feelings IN it, but feelings of my own. Yes, the heart and mind of the characters are somewhat mine. You see, I'm an introvert. My thoughts and feelings are not like a walk-in closet. It's a locker. You don't just share passcodes with anyone don't you? I mean, yeah sure, not everyone can go in your closet, but it's free to be opened by anyone despite being personal. Unlike for lockers, everyone can see them OUTSIDE, but take a look inside? I bet not. You carefully select who to share the inside with. You only choose the people who genuinely gained your trust. That's me. Sooo Fannie, what does your locker-metaphor-for-being-introverted have to do with your writing? Well, I get to share a little bit of me in my stories. It's an outlet for my introverted self. No, I'm not sharing myself in my stories for the world to know 'Ah, I'm Fannie, a writer'. I'm sharing myself to be able to express myself without people knowing. I mean, can you bet which part of the story is like Fannie? Or which scene of the story is part of Fannie's fantasies and reality? No, definitely not. I never give out clues lels. And I probably won't unless it's not really intimate to me. I have no plans of giving out my identity to the world [only to some people I actually trust], thus pen name. You see, I'm human. I need to share myself, and I found myself free to do so through my stories... comfortably. Seeing my words in letters? That's a bridge from the world inside me to the world outside me. It probably is the reason why I take so long before updating: to properly invest my emotions into what I'm writing. Maybe that's why I'm still in Wattpad. Despite the fact it's becoming a competition, I feel comfortable in being a 'wallflower writer'. Because I have no dreams in writing, I just stay there for the love of writing; I just do it because I love seeing the scattered words in my mind turn into sense. Someday, I'll probably find the insincerity of the people joining to be unbearable. My resort would be to just leave. A writer who came in silence? It's easy for her to leave in silence as well. Trust me, it will barely be noticed. All these people, making Wattpad a trade-- for votes, for fans, for readers? They're just plainly disappointing. If I finally reach my boiling point, I'll definitely leave Wattpad, but not writing. Writing is a beautiful thing. It would be beautiful if people did it with sincerity. [Like hello, do it because you actually in the very least, like writing even for just a little bit and not for some other petty ulterior motive.] For me, writing is when you're doing it for the love of it rather than for the love of success or fame. I mean, wouldn't it be nice if someone bought your book because they heard or found it moving rather than because it's popular? Because it's in? Because it's a fad? You see, fads will fade. Maybe it will take years, decades or so before people finally get tired of being 'in'. But if you managed to touch their lives through what you did, I bet that your words will ring into their souls; your work will exceed a lifetime. Making people happy? With my thoughts? With the words I chose? With what I've written? Well that's what is satisfying this unknown writer: the fact that I was able to give a smile by simply being myself-- through my works. PS:
~I'm talking about my plain love for writing here. Not literature, not grammar, none of the technicalities. It's my love for the act, it's simply writing [regardless if it's crappy]. ~I obviously have nothing against publishing. I actually admire the writers who publish because writing has been their passion ever since. ~I'm sorry kung naartehan kayo sakin or smth. My mind thinks in straight English kaya when I type without 'filtering' my thoughts, I type in English as well.
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